The wind whistles as I wake
to the light of the morning sun.
The rays shine through my window
And I reflect on who I’ve become.
In all my years of womanhood
I’ve never felt so scared
I don’t know quite what to do
with my current state of affairs.
To say I’m lost for words
is to speak the pregnant truth.
I couldn’t have seen this coming
even if I had read it in the news.
My body argues the facts
whether I want to believe them or not.
I guess I’ll have to get used to this.
I guess I’m officially caught.
The birds chirp away a song
that soothes my tired soul.
And I lay there beneath the covers
trying hard to forget it all.
I sigh and get up out of bed.
My head is foggy from little rest.
The darkness of my past mistakes
is trying to swallow me up yet.
Another day is beckoning
But I can’t seem to let anyone in.
What if they knew my secret shame?
What if they can’t see past my condition?
My hands start to shake
as I reach for the phone.
If I don’t dial it now
then I’ll be doing this alone.
A kind voice gently answers
with a simple “Hello?”
And my words fumble out
In a mesh of unintelligible groans.
“I’ll be right over” she says
as the phone drops to the floor.
And I lay there crying until
I hear a knock on the door.
“Come in” I feebly call
from my crumpled position.
She sees me in my weakness
and hugs me in contrition.
There’s no more hiding for me
as she sees my size.
I can’t ignore her glances down,
her questioning eyes.
Before I can utter a defense
for the situation I’m in,
she calmly smiles and says to me,
“I’m so glad that you’re my friend.”
We sit there in that moment
letting the silence speak the truth
and for the first time in my little life
I was surprised at what I knew:
The days behind me offer a glimpse
Into a life of wandering
But the days I’ve yet to see
Offer me the chance to be set free.
I may have made a mistake
I may have gone the wrong way
but the pure love of another
Has awakened me to change.
If fear and condemnation
could make me lay it down
I would’ve left my sin long ago
I wouldn’t have been the talk of the town.
But here in this place
where honesty and grace collide
I can see that I’ve been given a gift
I can love the new life growing deep inside.