Hunger Pains and The Neglected Pen

When I started this blog in 2015, I wasn’t really looking for much of an audience. I was just looking for a place to find release. I needed to get the words out of me or they were going to silently consume me to the point of implosion. The thought of that outcome was too scary to even imagine. To be eaten by the very hunger that compelled me to write in the first place…how ironic would that have been?
So I wrote. I loved it and I loved the sense of being known as I carefully formed each phrase of thought.
But the past year came in like a flood and with that heavy rain came new growth opportunities that I never could have been able to anticipate. Good things have bloomed and I’m grateful for the downpour of blessings that have washed away yesterday’s old mindsets .
However, I stopped writing because I got caught up in the flow of the new. The refreshing rain gave me moments of tangible joy but that relentless ache started gnawing at my insides again. That familiar groaning that says, “Nothing else is going to satisfy your desire to write…except writing.”
So here I am at the end of a very full year and my soul is having hunger pains. My new experiences have drowned out my old restless ways. God knows I needed that baptism as a reminder of His amazing grace. But it’s not thirst for adventure that wakes me up at night anymore. It’s a longing for a recorded life.
What’s the point of living the dream if no one knows about it? Not for glory or glamour, no. For a chance to point to the One who brings wholeness as we allow our hunger and thirst to draw us closer to Him.
After all, a satisfied life means that we are to  live at the intersection of the external and the internal. Always. If we are drenched from the rain but our hearts are weak from starvation, we are still half-empty. If our inner being feasts on manna but our bones become brittle from neglect, then we waste away.
To be made whole is my greatest desire and to do that means I must respond to the hunger inside by documenting my thirst-driven life. So I choose to drink of His grace and I pray that my well lived stories ultimately reflect the Story Giver.

Blind Belief: The Only Way to Really See

blind belief-

Do you have to see to believe? This question has been on my mind lately. The world we live in only understands believing in something if there are tangible reasons to back up their beliefs. You know, like evidence or proof.

But what about those things that God has told us in the stillness? What happens when what we see in our daily lives doesn’t line up with what He has whispered to our hearts? It’s at these moments that we have to make a choice:

Am I going to believe beyond what I can see

or doubt because I can’t see? 

In John 20:29 Jesus says, “So, you believe because you’ve seen with your own eyes. Even better blessings are in store for those who believe without seeing.” 

What are you believing for that has YET to come to pass? What promise are you holding onto despite evidence to the contrary?

For your spouse to prioritize you over his favorite sport even though he just skipped going on a date with you to watch the game?

For you to be well even though your doctor said that you’re going to struggle with this disease forever?

For your children to make good choices despite the bad ones they are making right now?

It’s so easy to lose sight of the rainbow to come when we are living under a rain cloud, isn’t it?

We have to be blind believers. Faith must be our sight. This means that I let my hearing sense take precedence over my seeing sense. That I let God’s voice of truth become the guiding force in my life. EVEN WHEN MY CIRCUMSTANCES DON’T LOOK LIKE THEY’RE EVER GOING TO CHANGE. (Anyone else struggle with this like I do?)

Let’s retrain ourselves to speak what God has said instead of what our physical eyes can see. The more extravagant the promise, the more we should speak it thus reminding our hearts to believe when the circumstances of our lives become unbelievable.

I BELIEVE: that my spouse does love me more than football and He will show me because God blesses those who believe without seeing. I BELIEVE: that I walk in health and wholeness because God blesses those who believe without seeing. I BELIEVE: that My children are choosing to live wisely in an unwise world because God blesses those who believe without seeing. 

Trust me, your YET is on its way.

“Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for He who promised is faithful.”

Hebrews 10:23